This is the full interview transcribed for you. It is all about Parental Alienation and cross country challenges.
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Thank you for tuning into this live interview with Kim, Ron Gilbert. Um, fantastic gentlemen. He has gone through parental alienation for quite a while now, and this is his story as much as it’s important to understand what parental alienation is and what it can actively do to people in general and a little bit about the pitfalls and what can occur, stay tuned, enjoy the show. So to begin this interview, Kimron, I am going to cut that piece out because I didn’t want to put your name.
It’s gonna be difficult to do it. I think my name I’m a public figure per se. So I’m okay. If you put my name, it doesn’t really bother me. It’s not like my story is, is, um, is not available. So maybe some guys they’re still going through court procedures, but there’s nothing really from a legal standpoint that can affect my story if that makes any sense, other legal battles.
Okay. So Kimron, let’s talk about your results and what happened and where you’re at right now, right?
Okay. So I’ll tell you, well, I am, um, I’m currently living in Germany. This wasn’t always the case spinet for about three years now, after going through a lot of, uh, issues, put it this way, a lot of issues through court. Um, I was able to take myself from a place of depression, suicidal depression, where I felt that I didn’t have an opportunity in life. And I felt like all the options for me, just wasn’t going to be there. And I wasn’t going to be able to, to do anything I want to do in my life. My life was over. I felt I was concerned sort of, you know, six, seven years ago to now where I’m kind of living the life that I want as a coach. Um, digital nomad personally, let’s just put it this way. I never thought I’ll be in this kind of, um, person doing it kind of thing is about doing so it has been an uphill struggle, but I am where I feel I want to be helping other single men and single dads to effectively find their ideal partner. I’d just be better men, you know, better men, better partners, better fathers.
Excellent. That sounds like you’ve had your fill of pushing a rock up the Hill with your nose.
Something like that.
That’s what it feels like a lot of times, um, at any rate. So when you first, when, when you were actually married, did you actually ever notice the ex uh, talking badly or treating you badly in front of the kids?
What I would say, just to clarify you probably weren’t aware of this. So I’ve never actually been married. I was with my partner for over 10 years. Yeah. But pretty much, you know, marriage is a legal, legal construct. That’s still been connected to my, at my partner so we can call it the same, I guess, about illegality or both of the, from 16 to 26. So it was a pivotal time of my life. Um, for me, I, I only realized there was a problem because obviously being 16 years old and then having my daughter at the age of 26, sort of 27, uh, was very difficult for me at the time. Um, only purely because I had about 20 or 26. So only because it was being with someone for such a young age and then growing into the person you want to become, you believe you have the same values.
You believe that family values are the same and you expect to, with that person for the rest of your life. So when you bring the child into the world, you don’t realize that your ideals you’ve had together actually completely opposite. So when it came to raising our daughter together, brought about your question. I didn’t understand a, my masculinity, um, B this word is so out there, but I like using it because it encapsulates, encapsulates what I believe I was missing, which was my power, you know, how in, in my masculinity, but also in my ability to parent my child and have the say on it. I tell you a quick story, just a quick story, just to illustrate that point. My daughter was about, I’ll say less than two weeks old. Right. And, you know, being young parents, we never would have been, you know, we don’t know how to handle kids.
So we took the, the baby over to the mom’s house to my ex’s parents house, you know, and they have to get that, um, the sign, the background, so thinking, gosh, 200 together with the baby. Great. I can just take a step back, but I might go, my daughter’s, you know, suddenly a couple of weeks old, I wanted to be part of that learning process. You know, how to hold the baby and all the other good stuff. And I was my first sort of understanding that my ideals weren’t the same as my partner. So as we were together, my daughter was still quite young. There was always that clash where your ideas don’t match. And then you feel that your say, because I wasn’t in my power, I wasn’t able to articulate the values of what my daughter to have. I do a quick example without the grandmother’s house.
I, it was nighttime. My daughter was about, I would say about two, two years old and she was Sunday was cookie, and it was ready to go over to a vertical bed. I ran the house again, and we have a routine for our daughter at eight o’clock. Well, she goes to bed at eight o’clock. It doesn’t matter where we were. That was a rule that I was able to set. So even though it wasn’t in my power, I still had the values I wanted on my daughter have a set bedtime. I wanted it to, to, uh, to be comfortable. And I wanted first to have our own time as well. It’s eight o’clock that’s what happened. So anyway, seven o’clock comes. I usually give her a bath and I get involved in reading a bedtime story. But before I go to bed, but also says you want an ice cream, right? Just like I lost my screen. And I was like, no, you don’t have an ice cube to get rid of a bed. And then the daughters, her grandmother was like, Oh no, just give her ice cream. You know, it’s fine. So, so I kind of thought, and that, that to me was where it started for me to get an understanding.
Okay. And that actually makes a lot of sense because, um, have being overruled, uh, right in front of your little one, uh, is not necessarily not a good thing to happen in my opinion. Anyways. How did you feel about that? And did you do anything more? Did you say anything?
It was a strange one because I have, I still have, I would say I have great respect for parents because they were there for me throughout a very difficult time. So the respect was there. However, the parent in me was like, wait a second. This is my daughter. I’ve really said no, but I didn’t want to be that guy. I want to be the guy that was like throwing his weight around. But then again, it’s all about, I find balance. I want to stand in your power and your rights. Not necessarily as a man, but as a parent and as a parent in respect to move house, when I would have expected my partner at the time to be like, Oh no, you know, because she has more closer connection with her mother. She could have just said, mother, you know, mom, he’s already, you know, he’s already said, or, or that’s not even to keep it peaceful or mom, you know what, it’s getting ready to bedtime. It’s not what we do at home. We appreciate you saying something, Alex. And this is where the values come in. But I was talking about, if I understood clearly the values, I would’ve been able to make sure that we both were on the same page or it wasn’t.
Yeah. Um, I understand that. And you being a young guy at the time, uh, it takes, it’s amazing how much we learn over time, but, uh, your partner at the time was there in the room with you, she was in the kitchen. She was in the kitchen. She’s in the kitchen together. Yeah. Oh, it goes, so she didn’t actually ever hear the conversation.
No, we weren’t in the kitchen together. We’ve opened the kitchen together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was getting ready. I was going to put it to bed. He was in the kitchen. I was gonna take her upstairs. And that’s when he goes, go into the bathroom to get ready. It’s like all kind of ice cream and I could know we’re going to get ready for you to go bed.
Okay. So she was, she, she overheard the conversation and didn’t see it
Didn’t see anything. And that’s why it’s so important. See, that’s a small thing, but at the time I didn’t clock it enough to understand the cracks women started.
I get it. Cause, uh, that builds over time. At least it did for me. And I knew, and you could actively watch it building over time. So was there an actual, like, have you caught them actively talking about you in front of the kids, but had somebody report that to you? Yeah.
Yeah. Or had a situation when we done, when we then broke up, it got a bit silly. Cause again, when you have the whole situation, the family miss values, and you’ve been coming for such a long time, you or the expectation of myself, I was, I was never going to be alienated from my daughter because my partner at the time knew my whole entire past. And she knew how important it was for me to be a father, be, be around as a father, you know, be an active father, want to just be, Hey, I’m dad. I want to be active dad in everything. You know, this is my first child and my daughter, this is, you know, this is a big deal for me. And she knew that. And I was kind of used against me, uh, very effectively through the court process. So there was some instances where, for example, the court said that, um, my daughter could have a video call with me.
And at a time it was Skype because it wasn’t in existence. And through the Skype calls, the court had ordered that at a certain point in time and date, we have a video call, but I will have the video call. My daughter was sort of, you know, again, I can’t say this is a hundred percent factual because I wasn’t there. So therefore I couldn’t say this was factual. However, based upon the perception of positioning perception of looking where my daughter was looking and hearing the noises around it, perceived to me that she was placed in the middle of the room and she had the iPad iPhone in her hands and she had an audience around her. And the reason I say that is because all my daughter’s with me, she’s open, she’s free, whatever we have private conversation. I know the difference we engage in conversation.
She’s not rigid. She literally got stood up scared, stiff, and I can see your eyes, look at it more than one direction, tells me more on person in the room. And she was very nervous about a conversation. And then when I would say something to her like, Oh, are you okay? They’ll then be a case of, of course she’s okay. You know? Um, yeah, I can hear the, I’ve got to actually actually have a recording of that, you know, and then my daughter would then get anxiety, start crying on the phone when I’m like, you’re okay. And then you see, so you, this is what you’ve done. This is what you’ve done, what you’ve done. And then the phone gets put down. So yeah, I went through that.
Um, so tell me how you got to court in the first place. Like what, what precipitated making the necessity of going to court?
So I never had the intention first foremost of even do it, this guy, again, I never thought about this, but then we had a mutual friend who worked together as well. They had a baby and they’re separated a couple of months before we did. And they had a bit of separation as well. And I was still in contact with the guy and he’s like, look, I noticed situation. I used to have to drive two hours to go see my son, but I’ve got a good lawyer. I paid 3000 pounds. Now she has to drive the baby to me. I was like, yeah, how awesome is that? 3000 pounds I’ll do that. But I didn’t have that luxury of 3000 pounds because what will happen? My daughters bought a 2007 and then 2008 financial crash. Now I was in a financial list job. Well, my history was an accountant, so I just qualified.
I was in the financial industry. So I was badly affected by the whole market crash. So not only POS I invested heavily in a business idea, which I would have said bit in new Facebook, but talk about that leader. Um, and his business idea, you know, I invested all my savings into that and I lost everything. So I didn’t have the financial means to hire a lawyer at a time. However, um, how can I still go through the depression from being alienated, which I didn’t know how to word. I was just be separated and kept from my daughter as far as I saw and things were okay, I’ll still be able to see my daughter before, you know, things changed. And then what happened was I was then denied access and I was denied access on the assumption that I had a new partner. So when this new partner idea came into the picture, I was in denied access.
And that’s what I spoke to the guy and he’s like 33,000 pounds. So then I initiated and I found a lawyer. I couldn’t afford a real expert lawyers. I got a junior lawyer still at 250 pounds an hour junior lawyer, you know, the proper lawyer is 500. Yeah. But I’m 26 at the time. Flash crisis that’s as money, man. You know, I don’t have anything. That’s a lot of money, a lot of money. So, and some people wouldn’t take me on, unless I paid a thousand pounds retainer. And that’s where my depression started because I literally had no power. I had the option. Um, but I then I’d always accusations against me then to use further because in the UK at the time they had what’s called legal aid. So if you’re a single mother, you get legal representation free from the state. Whereas the man has told us he funded it because I was an employment. Doesn’t matter. The, the amount I could earn I was in employment. So therefore I should be able to afford a lawyer.
Oh yeah, no. Yeah. So in unfair inequality at that point, as far as the legal goes, but tell me about the accusations.
Yeah. So I had some accusations of, um, being a drug dealer. Max knew I smoked weed. So they wanted me to have a drug test. Yeah. But she knew my whole history, John. So we’ve been getting there 16 to 26. So she knew my history, all my good and bad so she can play it to her advantage. So she said, you know, I have drug people at my house. I’m a pimp, I’m a drug dealer gangster. Um, you know, there’s dangerous people around me there for my daughter shouldn’t be anywhere near me or my house or anything like that. She supervised visits. So she wanted that. I had to see my daughter in a supervise center because it accusation of me being violent. It was accusation of me. Uh, my daughter, was it, um, being physically violent to my ex after revisit because of the assumption I was poisoning my daughter’s head at my counteract was, well, of course you’d be upset because of what happens at the handovers and handovers.
But I see my daughter has been done. Just wait for her to give me a hug, but actually hold onto my daughter and tell her what to run to me. I want to pick her up. I went to pick her up. She’ll try to pull her off me. So if I pick my daughter to hug her up, she’ll pull her off my hands. And I should say to her, what do you think? What happened after all the time? What do you think? What I’m surely doing is showing my daughter affection. But then I found out through a, um, a psychologist was that my ex meet her, her being the caregiver. She can’t control the emotional chemicals going through her of not necessarily jealousy, but because she feels that the caregiver, she didn’t see why I should benefit from my daughter showed me love. So she couldn’t process that. Hence why she couldn’t have my daughter running towards me or pulling me off or pulling her off me every time I hug her up, I put it down and put it down and literally try to put, pull her off of yours.
Yeah. I’ve been through that too, but um, okay. So honestly, yeah. Without reservation, were you actually ever violent with your ex?
When I was younger, I did some stupid things. I wouldn’t say violent, but I had a lot of unhealed traumas as a child, a pretty bad childhood. Um, and there’s some things that could have done differently, but I feel that I had a lot of anger problems when I was younger with my ex and I didn’t understand how to deal with those emotions.
Okay. That’s fair. Um, so, but you were, you never actually hit her or anything.
No, no. We’ll have this normal restraints and a normal sort of, you know, it’s so funny because females are shown women to show that they can get up in a guy’s face. They can hit him and this and that. And the moment you touch someone, I know, for example, I think it’s in Miami or anyways like that, if you just, if you just, even the UK, if you were to spin it, someone that’s called a common assault. So she was to, you know, to shove somebody. I said, that’s your offense? You, the actual body armor, um, give us probably home.
Well, it, it is assault. And especially now with the COVID stuff going on, that is complete and utterly is assault and you can be charged and put in jail.
Yeah. But I’m talking 2008, 2009. So if you talk about anything sort of, um, physical, I would say just the normal stuff. You have a relationship when you want to escape and you’re not being allowed to escape when you’re not. When you imagine how a line fuels, you try to back into a corner, it doesn’t try to hurt. You. Don’t try to harm you. It just tries to escape. It tries to leave because it’s not trying to harm so far as I’m concerned, there’s never any excuse for any, any type of violence for many human beings. However, I believe that human being has the right to be given his freedom to remove himself from the situation. He doesn’t seem fair. Or for him, if someone then tries to inhibit or stop you from leaving a scene that you do not want to escalate, I feel like you have to take whatever necessary steps to keep yourself safe and make sure it doesn’t escalate somewhere. Or some, at some point we are later on then said that you could have been handled different. I feel whatever issues we had the force of appropriate.
Okay. Um, fair enough. Now tell me a little bit about the court process that you went through. You did a little bit earlier and you talked about, um, uh, one proceeding where you’re allowed to have Skype visits. Were you ever re allowed to have personal visits with your daughter?
So I’ve been through court. I’ve been through the court process. Now a total five years. I was in the court process for out of that five years, I think. Um, I’ve been back to the court twice because I had to file, um, a no contact order because the contact has to be broken. I had one rights for our daughter to visit me on my house and writes for holidays and writes for school holidays. All of them were broken. So to keep going back to court, to force just a simple basics that we just get in contact with my daughter. So, um, in the whole process, things only really changed because I still accusations of, of me being, um, what was it, uh, a violent person, because she knew my past such as could use the one aspect of my past as proof. Things only changed for me.
When I got what’s called a pro bono lawyer, I still can afford a lawyer. I was actually out in the field. I fought the case myself. So I did all my legal studies and I represented myself every single time in court against a lawyer. And I beat them twice. She was, lady hated my guts, but I beat her. And I won those rights to see my daughter, however, they had the legal AIDS, which obviously I didn’t understand. And she was able to manipulate a few things. Why things change was that while on pro bono, I understood the glaze, the legal language, and she was able to stop them from using that as a precursor to be like, Oh, this is why he can’t do that. This is his past. We got to a point of saying, well, yeah, we had knowledge that his past, we can accept that.
Now you can no longer use it going forward. So she wanted that for me, where they can never use that as a reason to stop using my daughter. I mean, had to make progress so I can have a normal contact with my child. And that was going through, um, the, uh, visits. We have to go into a town hall. We did it for one year. It was called supervised visits where for every two weeks, I got to see my daughter for one hour, for every two weeks. So, you know, I didn’t get to see a total. Yeah. For one whole year, it’s all grantees looking around because still a threat to prove I wasn’t a threat. And then CAFCA
So you were supervised by grandparents?
Provides. Yeah. In a whole, it was terrible. My daughter hated it. She told me plenty of times. She hated it. Um, can I hate it as well? You know, because he wasn’t fearful. Her. I wanted to do was just enjoy time with my daughter, all this stuff I didn’t care about, you know, but it was just, I felt sorry for her because I can have kids join that at any point. I can have a kid tomorrow. If I chose to, I can always be a father. Always I can be a father, but a child is only going to be a child once. And, and to me, I knew from my past history, how my childhood was, I didn’t want her to go from one second of what my life was. And that’s the weapon. My ex used to me, even though she said to me, she would directly go to my child. I’ll come back to your question. Um, so Cafcass came into the scene, they did a whole report and that enabled us to then start having normal contact. But like I said, she never had upheld, upheld any of what was agreed.
So, so she, so she kept breaking the agreement. Correct. Um, okay. I know all about that too. Um, it’s interesting how that works though. So the question that I have is did you ever, because this is curious for me, cause this is, this is an area where I’ve been contemplating quite heavily. Have you ever considered taking her to court for contempt of court
As a thing? So in UK law, it is widely known and unfortunately I’ve had to go through that process myself. You can apply for what is Cockrum and exact name now, but it’s something similar to that where she’s not breaking that where she’s briefed in the court order and the court enforcement order, when you file an enforcement order, um, what you will then do is then the, the courts, will they give you a date to come back? But again, because I represented myself, it probably wasn’t a bad thing. I just didn’t have the funds. At the time I represented myself. I fell short in really applying and getting pressure on those court orders because she was always able to weasel herself out, probably the wrong word, but that’s how I felt at the time after that, based upon technicalities, they derived from legal AIDS. The example would be where I would.
I moved literally five minutes. I got an apartment, um, closer to my daughter. I then started to be able to save and I was able to get more legal advice as I, when I needed it. But I’ll fight them. The court picks Copaxone. That was like three years now, four years. I thought I don’t need a lawyer. I just need the legal aid. So when it came to certain letters, next one, I said, there was a point where my daughter was allowed to come to my house. Right. And stay there for two nights, um, out of the week. Yeah. Out of the week, you know, go to the house to pick her up. And when I go to pick my daughter up, you know, I think it’s fine. My daughter, um, you know, she’ll, she’ll see me. She wants to see me. And then my ex will stop.
I’d be like, Oh no, she doesn’t want to see you dead. She doesn’t want to see you today. It’s like, okay. But you know, I’ve got a fatigue. Well, she doesn’t wanna see. So she don’t break in the court order. The daughter would want to see me. So when you go to court, it’s like, no, she’s never, she’s never stopped him from seeing his child. The child would want to see him. And um, where am I? What can I say? So you’ve got to take her to a content as she is breaking it. She’s she’s using true or false. I will never know. And I can never say a hundred percent, although I can say deep down I, that my daughter did not want to see me.
That there is a in Canadian law, there is a caveat in there where up until the age of, I believe it’s 11 or 12, the child isn’t supposed to make that decision. It’s not.
Yeah. It’s opposite. And UK is opposite of UK. So in UK I want a child is 12 to talk and make their own decision about who they want to see when,
When they turn 12. Yes. They definitely make your own decision.
But there’s no proof to say what mother will say was ran to Rome. So you think about it from a practical standpoint, I can call the police, but the police don’t get involved because of the civil matter. I can get the courts involved. All the courts can do as well. Why is he not seeing his daughter? Well, he’s not seeing your daughter because she don’t want to see him. Where can of course go from there. He, of course, can’t order a six year old to come and see me. Do you see what I mean? Or a seven year old conversation. And that’s where the problem is. And that’s what illegally is, comes into. It looks like what my client isn’t stopping him. She’s daughter. And what was it? The lawyer come, the judge can’t bring my daughter in court because she’s under 12. If she was over 12, he could bring her in court on huckster. The question, do you know, do you want to see your dad?
There, there are in Canada. And this is what I just went through a section two 11 with, which is a psychological report. And as part of this is the children’s wishes are brought forward. And that’s where the court gets to see that document. Is there any such thing like that in the UK?
So that’s the Cafcass report. So the calf CD comes out, observing my daughter and writes a report. And that report, they had an interview with my daughter. And one of the questions you asked was, is how is your dad too? And my daughter apparently said, Oh, he’s nice. He feeds me chocolate and buys me packets of crisp, which I don’t, but whatever I’m going to make me eat healthy. Um, and we’ve got the question was, are you scared of your dad? And it was like a God report. You know what? I’ve got the full report still. And it’s not here though, is that my old house? Um, and it says something along the lines camera actually read it the other day for a movie. I found it. And it says something along the lines of, you know, um, would you want to see it that often? And she’s like, yeah, honestly. Yeah, that’s okay. But I want a calf cast lady then did well. She didn’t have her own interpretation. So after my daughter’s feelings, she summarize a primary what my six-year-old daughter thinks. And in a summarization, it was like, well, there has to be a staggered, uh, um, reconnection, uh, fact that reconnection program to label, you know, Mr. Gilbert to see my daughter. And that has to be over a period of nine months to a year, starting from one day a month.
I actually in months. But yeah, go ahead.
And I actually cross-examined her on the witness stand and I wish there was cameras involved because if you can see the perspiration on her face, I grilled us so badly. And I said to her at one point, and I questioned those points that she put through. And I said to her, when you asked my daughter what she feels about you as a child, what’s, you’re saying to me, is that that’s her feelings? Am I correct? You’re actually goes, yes. I goes then. So your summarization are whose feelings are they your feelings to it? My daughter’s feelings, or are they your interpretation of how my daughter feels right? I’d get clarified on that. And she’s like, well, I’m taking that class. I get all that. Which one is it though? Because you’re recommended to the court that I see my daughter over a period of a year, starting from one month.
So based upon that recommendation and she had to admit it was her opinion. So I’m saying to the judge, look, that is her opinion, based upon the same information we just read. Do you come to that same conclusion? Because I don’t, you know, if you read the whole report, I don’t, it sounds like I’m a menace to society. I should be behind bars and my daughter should be allowed visitation rights to come and see me. That’s what, that’s what it sounds like. There’s no basis to stop me from having a loving relationship with my child. If I have, there’s no reason to deny me. So it’s something for me because you’re denying her the right to see your dad. I’m a fight for me. Like I said to you, I can be a dad anytime I can, I can enjoy fatherhood up to the, you know, up to whatever I’m missing out on anything here. And that was my point.
So. Okay. Um, at any point in time, did you ever see, uh, any, do you have, do you have friends, mutual friends in common and did any of those friends ever report to you? What, if anything was going on behind the scenes?
Not necessarily an I D I didn’t really want to be involved in, he say, she say there was more about the relationship side of it early run, but in terms of what’s happening with my daughter, not necessarily, I had close friends and family, but I just felt that at time, if I had that kind of information, I’ll just tear me apart.
Ah, fair enough. Yeah. Uh, no argument from me on that one. Um, so is there any, is there any additional things that you would like to say to the guys that are going to be watching this video? Okay.
Yeah. Talking about this now is evoked a lot of, um, previous memories, things which are not necessarily buried are dealt with and overcome. And it’s interesting now that a lot of guys are going to go through what I went through, you know, 19 ago up to, well, literally up to yeah. 19 years ago, full, you know, and then having five years of court battles. The difference, the difference is, is then social media was in its infancy. It wasn’t so things weren’t so recorded a lot things. Weren’t so social things, weren’t so easily available to allow people to manipulate other people’s opinions. What I would say to the guys is this, is that the reason they’re watching this is because they’re either on the page reinforcing men, or they’re looking to find a way to find themselves support the number. One thing that I can say that I wish that I had at that time was the groups, because I now noticed so many groups now for men at my time, there’s no groups.
I went through this myself. If you’re going to try, you’re going to try to find a way to rebuild yourself or even try to find sense of what is going on. For me, it was just a spiral. I didn’t know which way was up. I didn’t know which way was down. I was just trying to write myself up first and foremost. And you’re trying to figure out that a hell to get out of this mess before anything is done. Before you take a step before you do something in anger, do something in regret, do something with love and do something with the ideal that you might feel better about it. Stop for a second and just really evaluate whether or not it’s going to move you forward to your piece. What I mean by that is, is that when you’re alienated, when you feel that other people are against you, when you don’t feel supported, again, I’m speaking from my past, you know, 10 years ago, it’s very easy to be driven by emotion and very easy to be overcome by the anger and the frustration of being rendered helpless in the future of your children.
Just remember that what she’s doing now, your ex partner, she’s doing it out of emotion. So in order for you to win the battle of emotion, you have to remove yourself from her battle field. She will win the emotional battle every time that’s their super power. You also have power. The man is your logic. You have to try to tap back into what will work for you in the long run and not get dragged into the emotional battles and petty, small skirmishes. Think about the war, which is going to come for you right now and just find your inner peace before you even move forward.
Um, reminds me of something that I just finished reading or listening to. Um, and it talks about the difference between reactive and proactive and the moment in between. And it’s that moment in between where you have the choice. Absolutely. And you can either react. And for me anyways, whenever I’ve reacted, it’s usually a bad thing when I’ve been proactive and I’m prepared for what’s coming. It is so much sweeter and it’s a victory 95% of the time.
Absolutely. It’s a battle room, which has got to be the period as well, get around that.
So is, um, for lack of better words, what you just finished describing is between you and your ex, would you say that your war is over and are, do you get to see your daughter on a regular basis? Now
I’ll say in conclusion to all this, the biggest thing I learned was this was that the war is never started. And I’ll tell you why it really briefly, because you wasn’t ready for the war. The war is going to be entangled with yourself. It’s not really going to be with the ex because she’s always going to choose to do whatever she chooses to do. So you can never guarantee that your ex partner will chill out. She will still be a for the rest of her life, or she wouldn’t care about you. Like, that’s just, that’s something you just cannot control. And that’s why I realized the board’s internal that’s. I was talking about internal war, but going back to what you’re saying, we’re at a point now where, because I have internally healed, I’m a, literally just my train is moving in this direction, whatever direction is, whatever, whichever decide, but it’s moving forward.
And as I continue to build and grow myself, I’m always leaving back my legacy for my daughter. So even though I want to see her more and do more with her, I realized that the power of a mother who feels as she’s doing the right thing will outweigh any common sense. Thinking is clear, doesn’t make sense to do what’s being done, but it does make sense to her emotionally. So look, I see my daughter much like no, because there’s some things behind the scenes, which obviously your personal not going to share, but, um, doesn’t enable me to, to do that for makes any sense, will that change what my daughter’s going to be 13 in December? And I feel like how I felt at that age, the curiosity becomes so great. The need to want to know why good old bad will outweigh. I believe, whatever training things or ideas she may already have. She knows the be curious, you know, she’s coming to that age where she’s going to need that, that, that father figure around before, but you know what I mean? He is so sad. Um, but I I’m, um, I’m hoping no wrong word and moving towards, because hope doesn’t get you anywhere. Sometimes you have to take action. Yeah.
So hope is hope. Is the desire for something in the future, correct?
Yep, exactly. Yep. Moving towards a, I would say that allow me to, um, to be more active in our life as I want, you know, but right now, if I, if I stay where I am in that emotional swamp, I’m going to be a bruised and battered man. I have to stay pictured on the long game. What do I want for her? But what if she is 18? I want it to be comfortable regardless of the sacrifice after me as a father, that time has done, you know, the impact and the values I can give her. She’s already set in stone. So there’s nothing I can do with molded her in a particular way. All I can now do is just make sure it shouldn’t get chipped away and hurt too much. And that’s no, my role, the mole she has after except
Well, the interesting thing that you just finished bringing up is you’re talking about the 95%, right? There is still that 5% that you can mold and help her on her other side.
No, absolutely. That’s what I’m referring to. Absolutely. But what I’m talking about is not in fact said she has a lot to learn, so that’s why she’s going to curious about life, about boys, about all sorts. So this is a role I then play, however, what she comes with. I have to be able to adapt and be able to make sure the 95% they’re going to have to get chipped away with necessarily as she has. She has that, that father bond that she needs and she wants, it’s just a natural human instinct.
Excellent. Excellent. Um, so out of, out of all of this, um, would you consider yourself a, the Victor, would you consider yourself kind of at a stalemate? Would you consider yourself? Uh, I won’t say lost because you haven’t lost not by any stretch. Um, so in that, in that range, where would you put yourself?
I would see myself as experienced as experiencing a form of life that shouldn’t really exist because there should be checks and balances out there to ensure a family life continues, but we know that’s a different story. Um, I would say that now that I’m experienced, I could share the experience with other men to make sure they don’t hit those line minds as much as I did and then blow a leg off. Um, the only person I would say, if you’ve gone from a winner and loser don’t in person or any people think that wins is institution they’re that only people that comes out of here and wins anything are the lawyers and the people will get paid for the misery of people have to go through this. So for me, I’m experienced battle harder.
Okay. Let’s, let’s talk about the lawyers for a sec, just for a little bit, um, your, your lawyers, the pro bono lawyers and the other lawyers, would you consider them good lawyers? Did they understand, did they do well? Um, then what did you think of her lawyer? Her lawyer
Was a nice lady. She was great to client and she wanna see nicely. I mean, she’s a good lawyer for my client. She, you know, you want to, you want your lawyer to be good for your client personally. I didn’t know a lot enough to talk bad about it, but I would say she was a good professional. We had one or two conversations ourselves. Um, naturally obviously I didn’t like her because she represented the other side, but I had to remove emotion from that and realize she’s just doing her job per se. The pro bono lawyer for me was fantastic. And the lady that really changed my life and she was for free the lawyer that I paid for because she was a junior lawyer. Um, no, I would never recommend paying for a junior lawyer, but I would also say as well, if you go, go into a lawyer before you give them any money for any retainer, make sure you make sure they’re very clear about the outcome you’re looking for.
I don’t think I was clear about the outcome, because for example, I was paying 25 pounds per letter being sent out. I’ll get a copy of the letter. The letter was like very soft and P I thought lawyers were like working for me. Like we are paying you some like some tone please. And all this, do you mind if I can see, she wrote me a letter saying we would love if our client can see, you know, um, my daughter is so, so tired. Would it be possible? I’m like you just, she going to say, no, I could done it myself. What am I paying you for? Right. I could have sent her a text. She’ll tell me to get lost. I don’t need you. I don’t need pay 25 pounds that you to do. What I know would happen. I was expecting them to use a legal AIDS, be like, look, you have X, Y tones. I thought they’d be for me. So after a while it’s been a couple of thousand pounds I realized was a dead end. And I probably wish I took the lawyer. My friend did, but again, I’m young. I was young naive, so definitely have an outcome before you can spend it.
So what I found works that seems to be working well for me as a pay, as you go lawyer, right? Where you just pay him for, for his advice. And you just kinda, um, do your, you do all the hard work yourself. You do all the writing of the main affidavit’s and applications and all that crap. And, but he gives you the direction in which to go. And that seems to be working really well for me and saved me a ton of money. Is that right?
Yeah. Uh, it works different than UK. I approach quite a few lawyers. Like I said, with the other lawyer that I had, and most of them, what a retainer is, they want like a thousand pounds. I didn’t have the money at the time to do that. So maybe if I had that option, maybe so, but even so after doing it myself for three, four years, I realized, God, this is, this is quite easy. So I did have, I did have, um, I did have access when I was going through the junior lawyer to go to a senior lawyer and get them to look at some of this stuff. But you’re on a shift. You besides the arguments and even in court, like I won, I wanna say everyone could do the same thing. Besides the legal aid stuff, the actual agreements I won. Yeah. I won the rights to see her.
I won the rights to, for her to see me and go on holiday for me. So I don’t think I suffered from not having legal in court. I feel what did it work for me basketballs in the beginning to set a good foundation. So where I can have some sort of establishment of contact. So if you’re going to pay money, pay money up front, make sure that you, you, you know, be like, Hey, this is a start, you know, we’re gonna, we’re gonna file for custody. And I didn’t know what my rights are based upon these facts, but the difficulty I had, like I said, it was at a major disadvantage because she had free legal advice. She didn’t have free legal advice. Trust me the level I was at, even though I couldn’t afford a big shot, fancy lawyer, neither could, she would’ve been an even playing field. There’ll be no five years of court. I’ve got to see my daughter with every single order, but because the government paid for her, it doesn’t matter how much I paid. Doesn’t matter. I would received the same, the same outcome.
Interesting. Um, so out of, out of 13 years now, is that what you’re doing? You’ve been doing this.
No, but the battle itself now, it’s probably been about 10 years.
Okay. So out of 10 years, out of all the legal fees, what would be the total sum that you had put on it?
Oh, God man. In the tens of thousands, tens of thousands easily, easily, less than less than 50, but definitely in the tens of thousands.
So 40,000 and you’re, we’re talking pounds though, right?
Probably a pounds. So I would, I would say is definitely, probably just, I’ll say just over 20 in total for the legal advice. Imagine if every letter received was 25 pounds, every letter sent, or twenty-five pounds, we’re talking about five years
And we’re also not talking about the amount of time that you personally spent on this.
It was a long time, but for me the time wasn’t important because my aim was my daughter. So for me, I never, I never would’ve considered the time
I, I get it. Right. But at the end of the day, you do have to consider how much time you put into this, because that affects how much time you can put into a business, how much time you put into, um, living and, and not having the life that you want to have. Right? Exactly. And if you’ve put a dollar figure on your time, like a hundred bucks an hour or a hundred pounds an hour, you know,
Over five years, I mean, I’d take time off work. I had to do a lot of research or read it or application to talking definitely a lot of money. Uh, I would say definitely over a hundred thousand for five years.
So cause, cause this is, this is a part of, um, reinforcing men. And what the idea is, is to help people or help men take the shortcuts that from other men and their advice, like, look, you got this, the first thing you gotta do, this is the second thing you gotta do. You can do it on your own, but you need to tell your lawyers what you, what you’re going to do and what you, how you’re doing it. So that Dell save the money that it would cost. It cost us like for me, for example, um, it costs me probably in the last year, a hundred thousand dollars, Jesus. Right. That’s including my time. Because time, time is valuable. You don’t get it back. Um, and then the amount of money you’re actually spending on the lawyers and then the costs of everything else, like supervised visits, uh, all this other that in my humble estimation, um, I shouldn’t have had to pay. And the only reason I had to pay it is because my ex is spending has spent a lot of time coaching the kids and basically running me down whenever she had an opportunity and I have witnesses, but that’s just me. This is all, this is your story.
I don’t. Um, is there anything else you want to add?
I think, I think we pretty much really got into it. And I guess guys understand where I’ve come from to where I am now in terms of learning these lessons. Oh, what’d I say this briefly, it’s the currency now I focused on a data element. I can say it a lot of guys now, even though we’re going to go through this court case, it’s not going to be finished in one day. It’s only finished maybe in a year or two years. So you’re still going to try and live your life. And if it went on a long, as I did sort of five years, some guys choose the single, some guys choose good relationships. We’re still men after all, even though we don’t get to see our kids, we see them once every two weeks, but we still have 13 days of our life to live. You know? So I would say that if you’re going to go into anything with anyone, just don’t rush to get remarried, definitely don’t even think about it. I should be not be an option. Just date, just date, no issues, no stress. Don’t worry about putting a name to it or anything like that. Just take time to heal because the last thing you then want is any more emotional baggage into your situation.
Okay. Fair enough. And one thing that I would like to add to that wear a condom
And I would help, right. Or pull up one of the other scar
Either way, because the last thing you want is some, it was a one, cause I’ve heard of this before, too. I’ve heard of men’s lives being ruined over a one night stand.
You guys will be smarter than that. Sometimes we have to be really smarter than that, but you’ve got to translate
The that’s the whole idea behind reinforcing men has to be smart. Right?
I’ve enjoyed this drug. It’s been fun. Thank you for interviewing me, my friend.
Uh, thank you very much for sharing your story. Um, I guess the last little thing that I’d like to say that, uh, finish this off is, um, it’s four things actually, uh, be healthy, be strong. I think be smart is a good one and be abundantly wealthy that’s mindset to have hundred percent. Um, I know the interviews are
By joining. That was fun. That was a lot of fun,
But the, uh, I want to put that or something similar to that at the end of every one of my videos. Okay.
Well, you see, when you videos on, um, uh, reinforcement
I’m Facebook and all that other stuff, uh, I don’t think you were as vulnerable as I was kind of open. Sorry about that. No, no, that’s all good. Um, I know what it’s like to go through hell for the kids and a five-year court battle. Does she, is she slightly narcissistic or something or what?
I put it down to a couple of elements, my friend, I put it down to youth. I put it down to the social environment that she was in and influences she had an ears and you know, I don’t, I’m not angry or blame her for any of her actions. She did what she thought was right for her at a time. And she has to live with that or not. You know, so for me it is where it is now over that five-year period of time, I’m sure she would have seen some things. She seems like she’s kind of grown now, but to be honest with you, pal, I just feel like life just moves forward and I’m not even focused on what her issues are. I’m just glad that she’s a good mother. So I’ll give her that she, you know, my daughter is not, you know, stupid or you know, some dumb girl I see that night all night and brings boys home, you know, like a, it’s very conservative, very, you know, very smart and um, anti boys and all that other stuff. So I’m glad for that. So I would never, I would never say she did bad mother. She just not a very good parent.
Um, well, I’m actually kind of looking forward to you getting your daughter and spending like maybe a week or a month or something together.
Awesome. I had the right to take your whole day, but that’s what I’m building. What I’m building, dude. I bought it with the Germany. I was going to pay for hotels outfit to buy ticket offer to put up the accommodation. It’s just one after the other. So I just, I just let it go.
Let it go. It is now. Yeah. But you also talked about the curiosity part and the curiosity of your daughter wanting to know you better. I would assume I’m, that’s what I’m hoping for. Right?
So say that’s why I’m just trying to make sure that I have everything ready, prepared for her. So she, you know, whatever direction she chooses to take the, understand more about, I’ve got a folder and she asked me the question, I’m not going to see anything. I’m, she’ll give me the folder. Some of you, you make your own mind up. You think you make a decision. If you think I did enough or didn’t do enough. And then you tell me, end of the day, it’s done. You know, I did what I felt was right. And I stepped away when I believe it was right to step away or jeopardize you more jeopardize me. A lot of guys killed themselves because they just can’t go through the fight.
And that concludes our interview with Kim, Ron Gilbert. Absolutely. Fantastic. Check him out on Facebook Kimron Gilbert, your one and only dating coach for single dads. Yeah, absolutely. Great guy. Thank you very much for tuning in. And I look forward to seeing you on reinforcing men because you know what Kimron is a part of our group. Awesome. Thank you very much. And I look forward to seeing you soon.